How to date like a dude – The Filipina way

Dating.

Something that we are all too familiar with. But how much do we know?

Let’s go back to the basics. Definition. I feel like I’m making a thesis right now.
Okay. THis is what Wikipedia says…
Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.
Human Mating. Excuse me while I crack up! Di mada ui!
In English, I can not! hahaha

Let’s get back on track here… Sorry about that.
This blog is about the lessons I learned about dating or my do’s and don’ts when going out.

Just to give you a short background so you can at least say that this blog does have some credibility to it;
I had more than 50 guys and 2 girls who asked me out and wanted to court me. I know because they literally asked.
Too many? I agree. Again, they asked. I didn’t say yes to all of them of course. I only said yes (to the dating, not actual relationship) to around 20-25%.
How do I know? I actually have a list. Yes, an actual list. I started when 3 guys asked me out at the same time (also said NO to all 3) and just kept adding to the list until about 5 years ago. Last count was 53 or 54.

You might be thinking that I play around and this is only for the girls of “my kind” (independent, strong women who knows how to have a good time… lol)
Uhmm.. no. I love love. And I love being in a relationship. I had 3 long ones. 6 years, 3 years and 1.8 year.. All who proposed/ was about to propose to me in one way or another… (I know, I’m a catch. haha) I won’t get into the details but I want you to know that I don’t play around when it comes to relationships.
(Hmmm… next blog might be how to get a guy to propose to you. ;p )

You might think as well that “oh.. she’s so liberated.. Filipinas are not like that. ” etc.. etc.. I don’t know about the liberated part but I do know this, I’m just saying what everybody else is thinking and are secretly doing. I call that guts.
I’m actually proud of what the women in the Philippines have become when it comes to dating. They have embraced the girl power. They know that they have control over what happens to a date and where it can go. They know that a NO MEANS NO. You’re also reading this right now because you want to learn a thing or two.

Dating doesn’t have to be too serious. On the contrary, it should be fun! Just because you’re on a date with a guy, it doesn’t mean that you have to analyze and imagine how many children you guys will be having..
That leads me to…

1. Do Chill

It’s a date. Just a date. Just because you’re in on one, does not mean the guy likes you, likes you. It means that he asked you out because he found you interesting and wants to know you more. If it leads to a second date, good. If not, well, free meal! And that’s always a good thing.

2. Do have an open mind

Guys don’t really think about how one of your nail has a little chipped polish or how a strand of your hair is out of place. Neither should you. You’re not perfect and so is the guy you’re sitting across from! This guy will reveal a lot of things about himself on the first date and so will you. Don’t judge him based on his past experience or if he happens to say a word that you hate. Have an open mind. That conversation or date should not define who they are.

Don’t be a sourpuss or a pampered princess. Be spontaneous! Your plan was to eat at a 5-star restaurant but your date only has 200php? Eat at a pungko2x in your heels and cocktail dress! Why not?

3. Do date more than one guy (at least try it once)

Uh-oh… hey it comes.. the liberated speech from Maria Claras everywhere..
Here’s why I think you should do this: it’s just a date.
You’re not trying to have a relationship with these guys.
Not yet anyway.
If you have a chance to get to know more than one guy, why not? Isn’t meeting and knowing a lot of people a good thing?
I have a disclaimer though… You only do this if you’re just dating. If you want a relationship with a guy that you’re seeing, don’t add another one to the list. You only date multiple guys if you haven’t decided to move forward with any of them yet.
I’m making myself clear, right?

date
4. Don’t be jealous

I can’t say this enough. You’re just dating. He’s not your boyfriend! Don’t expect that he’s only dating you. There might be other girls. And if there are, it’s totally fine. You’re dating other guys too, right? Unless you’re exclusive, then that does not give you the right to be bitchy when he’s dating someone else. BUT….. if he is texting her while he’s on a date with you, ditch his ass! Your mere presence should be enough to catch his attention and keep it.

5. Don’t expect anything 

No expectations. This is one of the best advice a close guy friend gave me about dating. Since he and his date both have no expectations from each other, they are having the time of their lives! They have fun and giddy moments are always there. When they do something special for one another, it’s always appreciated because they never really expect it. Best part? No pressure. This makes falling inlove even better because it just happens. You don’t force yourself to fall for a guy just because you’re dating him.

Here’s a good one. My friend is falling for the girl he’s dating (he doesn’t want to admit this). He used to date multiple girls too but this girl is just special. You can see it when he talks about her. Because of that, he just stopped seeing other people even when he is encouraged. See? Dating more than one person is not a bad thing. That’s when you’ll know who’s really special. The girl is totally falling for him too… she told me, so I know.. (I hope he doesn’t read this). Ego boost! ;p

6. Don’t put out

Yes, he’s attractive. Yes, you like him. Yes, he makes you laugh. But pls. don’t. We’re not Americans. We don’t have the 5th date rule ( sleeping with him on the 5th date is acceptable ) No, it’s not. The only time it’s okay to sleep with a guy if you’re officially a couple. Maybe not even then. Values is what makes us who we are. If we don’t stand for anything, we fall for everything. You have to remember that even when we are open-minded, we’re still Filipinas. If they really love you, they will understand that a no means no.

Premarital sex is an issue in our country that I don’t even want to get into. All I’m saying is that, we can’t control everybody and they do what they do. My point, do it because you love the person. Just make sure it’s official. It’s better if he puts a ring on it though. (If you know what I mean..)

So there you have it!
I hope I was able to help, maybe even raise a few eyebrows but hey… That’s what I learned over the years.
I think I was a guy in my past life. OH well..

So ladies,
Date, Have Fun and Cheers!

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When an old love returns and a new one arrives

Love.

They say it’s what makes the world go round. I think it’s the sun’s gravitational pull that makes the earth spin but I guess that’s just me.
Whatever love is, one thing’s for sure though.. Everybody needs it.

Question is, from whom?

We have that person in our lives whom we loved so much, would do anything for and they just crushed our heart to pieces. We want them back and if they don’t, we move on.
But what if you were on the verge of moving on, met someone new and that’s when they come back? Great timing!

Do we go back to the love that we knew? Or take a risk with someone new?

OLD

They know you. You know them. Well, until they broke your heart and treated you like crap (I sound so bitter. Excuse me). There’s so much history and so many lovely memories. You know you still love the person and you still hope that things will return to the way they were. You continue to hope that things will play out the way it should after the pause.

What if it doesn’t?

old
NEW

They give you the butterflies. Oh, the sweet giddy feeling you get when you get a text from them. You learn something new about them everyday and you just want to know more. You don’t love them yet, no. But you know it’s not hard to get there. If you do become a couple, will it last? Or will it end with another heartbreak?

new

This isn’t the part where I give you the answers. I wish I could but I can’t.
I just might be as clueless as you are.
We all have these questions in mind. We even get to the point where we list the pros and cons or simply toss a coin to decide.

Life is full of surprises that sometimes it knocks you off your feet and it’s not even funny.
Whatever decision we make, it affects our future and that’s where the pressure comes in.

Conclusion?

Whatever we decide to do, let’s learn to be happy. No regrets. Just lessons.
I know it’s not what you wanted to read but hey, if you do have the answers, let me know…

I’m not really helping am I? :p

When are second chances due?

Second Chances.

“Everybody deserves a second chance..” Hmmm…
I heard this saying about a million times already and I’ve even said it myself.

But does it really apply to everybody? How do you give the person who broke your heart into pieces, stumped on it and burned it, a second chance?
Yes, you can give anybody and everybody that but do they deserve it?

Don’t they deserve the same treatment that your heart got?
Okay, maybe not the burning part just a little laxative on their soup-kinda treatment.

Main point is, how would you know that they deserve it and they’re ready for it?
I’m not an expert on love or relationships. But I do know a thing or two when someone made a mistake, is really sorry about it and wants to make it up to you.

So here is a very short list that I’ve come up with to know if they deserve your sweet “yes” again.

 1. They ask for your forgiveness

Not just ask for it, they should beg for it. It doesn’t matter what they did to break your heart. The important thing is they know and acknowledge their mistakes and is really sorry for what they did. If they just want you back without apologizing, that is not a good sign. Pride much?
You have an advantage at this point. THEY want you back, not the other way around (even when you secretly want them back too).
First thing’s first, they have to apologize. Period.

2. They give you an explanation

You don’t always need it but you deserve it. You deserve to know why they did what they did. If they can’t give you an explanation, you’re not obliged to listen to anything they promise you. If they deserve that chance, they’ll give you answers.

3. They want to make it up to you

Apologizing and giving you an explanation is not enough. They need to make up for what they did. At this point, it’s your own judgment. You need to see the effort that they put in to make things work. You need to see their actions and not just hear their words of sweet nothings. He tells you he’ll change yet he continues to flirt with other girls… Really? Wrong move, dude.

4. They’ll do anything to make you trust them again

If a third party was the reason for the break-up, this would involve an awful lot of effort on their part. It won’t be easy to trust them again. It never will be. Sometimes, you even get paranoid to the point of insanity (stalker mode). Please don’t. It’s more destructive than you think. They should be the one to put in the effort not to stress you out. They should be the one to show you that you can trust them again. Not third-party related break-up? They need to show you that they won’t give up on you or your relationship ever again. At this point, you need to be sensitive to what they are doing to gain your trust back.

“A BOY makes his girl jealous of other women. But a MAN makes other women jealous of his girl”

5. All they want is to see you happy

Yes, they want you back but if you don’t want the same thing, they accept it. They know that they’ve hurt you and it won’t be an easy journey. When all they want is for you to be happy even when it doesn’t involve them; if they are in the stage that your happiness is more important than their own; then I say they deserve that second chance. A selfless act and intention deserves a reward, don’t you think?

Whatever we go through in life, I believe that we give to others what we want for ourselves. If you were in their shoes, do you want to get a second chance as well? Then if the answer is yes, you go on ahead and be happy… and give them that chance that they obviously deserve.

Besides, they always say that Love is sweeter the second time around. Might as well see for yourself. 🙂

second chance

Different

Image
I’ve always wondered where I’d end up
How my life will turn out to be
I can’t help but wonder where I’m going
With all the doubts and fears in me…
All my life I’ve been afraid
I’ve always been hiding
I realized I’m willing to fight it
When I found what I was seeking…
I’ve been with a few men, yes
But none seems to be sufficient
But right now, with you,
It’s just……. Different