5 things girls who are “one of the boys” know a little too much

One of the boys.

I can’t even remember how many times people said that to me. I grew up with my brother so I know how guys roll. Or at least I think I do. I want to believe that I can speak their language. Lol.
For a girl who is close to her guy sibling, it’s not hard to get close to other guys too. In a way, guys are easier to be friends with. Less drama.
Being one of the boys have their advantages but it also gives people different ideas about you. Things that I know a little too well. Others are understandable, others are just a little too ridiculous.

1. Every guy you hang out with is either a boyfriend or a date

Being one of the boys mean you hang out with guys more than you hang out with girls. Going to dinner with a guy is a normal Saturday night. For us anyway. Just because a girl and a guy is seen together does not mean they’re “together”.. It’s just dinner. People eat. We’re people. Ergo, it’s just dinner.

2. You are either a lesbian or a flirt

My mother thought I was a lesbian at some point of my highschool life since I was wearing baggy jeans, shirts that are 3x my size and was always hanging out with guys. Her favorite line was… “Tomboy man ka!”
You are a tomboy…” (In the philippines, tomboy and lesbian is the same thing for most people)
If you’re not a tomboy, you’re a flirt. Since I proved that I was straight due to my 6-year long term relationship with a guy, people thought I was such a flirt. That comment pissed me off when I was younger but looking back, it’s so ridiculous. I didn’t even know I knew how to flirt. I guess people thought I did. Awesome.

3. People ask you why it never worked out with a friend. Or friends.

People asked me this about 4 of my close guy friends.
“Why didn’t you become a couple?” “We’re just friends.”
“But you are sooo close.”                  “We’re just friends.”
“You’re always hanging out and you look good together..”      “We’re just friends.”
You can be a couple if you chose to..”     “We’re just friends.”

You don’t need to have a romantic relationship with all the guys that you are close with. If that’s the case, girls who are one of the boys will be 3-timers or even 5-timers. C’mon.

4. Your guy friends talk like you don’t exist. Or you’re not an actual girl.

My guy friends talk with no sensors when I’m with them. Seriously, no sensors. No filters. They’ll talk about their sexcapades like no girl is in the room. It makes you feel appreciative that they are so candid with you around but sometimes it’s insulting when they talk nasty about girls. It’s hair-standing-on-end kind of moment too when they go into the details.. What’s worse is when they talk about girls that you actually know. Guys talk. Trust me.

5. Girlfriends get jealous of you and vice versa

I didn’t know this until my close guy friend revealed that 4 out of 5 of his girlfriends was actually jealous of me. They had no reason to be.
When this happens though, I distance myself out of respect for the girl but they usually confess during breakups. Great. One of my guy friends who change girlfriends about every other month already has a script. When a girl says yes to him, he tells the girl about me and how she doesn’t have to be jealous and then introduces me to the girl. Same goes when I have a boyfriend. Orientation is a must.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it backfires. How? Go back to # 1… 🙂

These are just a few things that has happened to me for all the years that I have been me. Meaning, all my life.
It’s fun being one of the boys but sometimes it’s not worth the argument with loved ones. Explaining is just too exhausting sometimes.

What I believe though, if a guy truly loves you, he’ll accept you for who you are. You need not explain being you. Guys who truly love you would understand that they’re not the only guy in your life.. 🙂

one of the boys

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How to date like a dude – The Filipina way

Dating.

Something that we are all too familiar with. But how much do we know?

Let’s go back to the basics. Definition. I feel like I’m making a thesis right now.
Okay. THis is what Wikipedia says…
Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.
Human Mating. Excuse me while I crack up! Di mada ui!
In English, I can not! hahaha

Let’s get back on track here… Sorry about that.
This blog is about the lessons I learned about dating or my do’s and don’ts when going out.

Just to give you a short background so you can at least say that this blog does have some credibility to it;
I had more than 50 guys and 2 girls who asked me out and wanted to court me. I know because they literally asked.
Too many? I agree. Again, they asked. I didn’t say yes to all of them of course. I only said yes (to the dating, not actual relationship) to around 20-25%.
How do I know? I actually have a list. Yes, an actual list. I started when 3 guys asked me out at the same time (also said NO to all 3) and just kept adding to the list until about 5 years ago. Last count was 53 or 54.

You might be thinking that I play around and this is only for the girls of “my kind” (independent, strong women who knows how to have a good time… lol)
Uhmm.. no. I love love. And I love being in a relationship. I had 3 long ones. 6 years, 3 years and 1.8 year.. All who proposed/ was about to propose to me in one way or another… (I know, I’m a catch. haha) I won’t get into the details but I want you to know that I don’t play around when it comes to relationships.
(Hmmm… next blog might be how to get a guy to propose to you. ;p )

You might think as well that “oh.. she’s so liberated.. Filipinas are not like that. ” etc.. etc.. I don’t know about the liberated part but I do know this, I’m just saying what everybody else is thinking and are secretly doing. I call that guts.
I’m actually proud of what the women in the Philippines have become when it comes to dating. They have embraced the girl power. They know that they have control over what happens to a date and where it can go. They know that a NO MEANS NO. You’re also reading this right now because you want to learn a thing or two.

Dating doesn’t have to be too serious. On the contrary, it should be fun! Just because you’re on a date with a guy, it doesn’t mean that you have to analyze and imagine how many children you guys will be having..
That leads me to…

1. Do Chill

It’s a date. Just a date. Just because you’re in on one, does not mean the guy likes you, likes you. It means that he asked you out because he found you interesting and wants to know you more. If it leads to a second date, good. If not, well, free meal! And that’s always a good thing.

2. Do have an open mind

Guys don’t really think about how one of your nail has a little chipped polish or how a strand of your hair is out of place. Neither should you. You’re not perfect and so is the guy you’re sitting across from! This guy will reveal a lot of things about himself on the first date and so will you. Don’t judge him based on his past experience or if he happens to say a word that you hate. Have an open mind. That conversation or date should not define who they are.

Don’t be a sourpuss or a pampered princess. Be spontaneous! Your plan was to eat at a 5-star restaurant but your date only has 200php? Eat at a pungko2x in your heels and cocktail dress! Why not?

3. Do date more than one guy (at least try it once)

Uh-oh… hey it comes.. the liberated speech from Maria Claras everywhere..
Here’s why I think you should do this: it’s just a date.
You’re not trying to have a relationship with these guys.
Not yet anyway.
If you have a chance to get to know more than one guy, why not? Isn’t meeting and knowing a lot of people a good thing?
I have a disclaimer though… You only do this if you’re just dating. If you want a relationship with a guy that you’re seeing, don’t add another one to the list. You only date multiple guys if you haven’t decided to move forward with any of them yet.
I’m making myself clear, right?

date
4. Don’t be jealous

I can’t say this enough. You’re just dating. He’s not your boyfriend! Don’t expect that he’s only dating you. There might be other girls. And if there are, it’s totally fine. You’re dating other guys too, right? Unless you’re exclusive, then that does not give you the right to be bitchy when he’s dating someone else. BUT….. if he is texting her while he’s on a date with you, ditch his ass! Your mere presence should be enough to catch his attention and keep it.

5. Don’t expect anything 

No expectations. This is one of the best advice a close guy friend gave me about dating. Since he and his date both have no expectations from each other, they are having the time of their lives! They have fun and giddy moments are always there. When they do something special for one another, it’s always appreciated because they never really expect it. Best part? No pressure. This makes falling inlove even better because it just happens. You don’t force yourself to fall for a guy just because you’re dating him.

Here’s a good one. My friend is falling for the girl he’s dating (he doesn’t want to admit this). He used to date multiple girls too but this girl is just special. You can see it when he talks about her. Because of that, he just stopped seeing other people even when he is encouraged. See? Dating more than one person is not a bad thing. That’s when you’ll know who’s really special. The girl is totally falling for him too… she told me, so I know.. (I hope he doesn’t read this). Ego boost! ;p

6. Don’t put out

Yes, he’s attractive. Yes, you like him. Yes, he makes you laugh. But pls. don’t. We’re not Americans. We don’t have the 5th date rule ( sleeping with him on the 5th date is acceptable ) No, it’s not. The only time it’s okay to sleep with a guy if you’re officially a couple. Maybe not even then. Values is what makes us who we are. If we don’t stand for anything, we fall for everything. You have to remember that even when we are open-minded, we’re still Filipinas. If they really love you, they will understand that a no means no.

Premarital sex is an issue in our country that I don’t even want to get into. All I’m saying is that, we can’t control everybody and they do what they do. My point, do it because you love the person. Just make sure it’s official. It’s better if he puts a ring on it though. (If you know what I mean..)

So there you have it!
I hope I was able to help, maybe even raise a few eyebrows but hey… That’s what I learned over the years.
I think I was a guy in my past life. OH well..

So ladies,
Date, Have Fun and Cheers!

When an old love returns and a new one arrives

Love.

They say it’s what makes the world go round. I think it’s the sun’s gravitational pull that makes the earth spin but I guess that’s just me.
Whatever love is, one thing’s for sure though.. Everybody needs it.

Question is, from whom?

We have that person in our lives whom we loved so much, would do anything for and they just crushed our heart to pieces. We want them back and if they don’t, we move on.
But what if you were on the verge of moving on, met someone new and that’s when they come back? Great timing!

Do we go back to the love that we knew? Or take a risk with someone new?

OLD

They know you. You know them. Well, until they broke your heart and treated you like crap (I sound so bitter. Excuse me). There’s so much history and so many lovely memories. You know you still love the person and you still hope that things will return to the way they were. You continue to hope that things will play out the way it should after the pause.

What if it doesn’t?

old
NEW

They give you the butterflies. Oh, the sweet giddy feeling you get when you get a text from them. You learn something new about them everyday and you just want to know more. You don’t love them yet, no. But you know it’s not hard to get there. If you do become a couple, will it last? Or will it end with another heartbreak?

new

This isn’t the part where I give you the answers. I wish I could but I can’t.
I just might be as clueless as you are.
We all have these questions in mind. We even get to the point where we list the pros and cons or simply toss a coin to decide.

Life is full of surprises that sometimes it knocks you off your feet and it’s not even funny.
Whatever decision we make, it affects our future and that’s where the pressure comes in.

Conclusion?

Whatever we decide to do, let’s learn to be happy. No regrets. Just lessons.
I know it’s not what you wanted to read but hey, if you do have the answers, let me know…

I’m not really helping am I? :p

When are second chances due?

Second Chances.

“Everybody deserves a second chance..” Hmmm…
I heard this saying about a million times already and I’ve even said it myself.

But does it really apply to everybody? How do you give the person who broke your heart into pieces, stumped on it and burned it, a second chance?
Yes, you can give anybody and everybody that but do they deserve it?

Don’t they deserve the same treatment that your heart got?
Okay, maybe not the burning part just a little laxative on their soup-kinda treatment.

Main point is, how would you know that they deserve it and they’re ready for it?
I’m not an expert on love or relationships. But I do know a thing or two when someone made a mistake, is really sorry about it and wants to make it up to you.

So here is a very short list that I’ve come up with to know if they deserve your sweet “yes” again.

 1. They ask for your forgiveness

Not just ask for it, they should beg for it. It doesn’t matter what they did to break your heart. The important thing is they know and acknowledge their mistakes and is really sorry for what they did. If they just want you back without apologizing, that is not a good sign. Pride much?
You have an advantage at this point. THEY want you back, not the other way around (even when you secretly want them back too).
First thing’s first, they have to apologize. Period.

2. They give you an explanation

You don’t always need it but you deserve it. You deserve to know why they did what they did. If they can’t give you an explanation, you’re not obliged to listen to anything they promise you. If they deserve that chance, they’ll give you answers.

3. They want to make it up to you

Apologizing and giving you an explanation is not enough. They need to make up for what they did. At this point, it’s your own judgment. You need to see the effort that they put in to make things work. You need to see their actions and not just hear their words of sweet nothings. He tells you he’ll change yet he continues to flirt with other girls… Really? Wrong move, dude.

4. They’ll do anything to make you trust them again

If a third party was the reason for the break-up, this would involve an awful lot of effort on their part. It won’t be easy to trust them again. It never will be. Sometimes, you even get paranoid to the point of insanity (stalker mode). Please don’t. It’s more destructive than you think. They should be the one to put in the effort not to stress you out. They should be the one to show you that you can trust them again. Not third-party related break-up? They need to show you that they won’t give up on you or your relationship ever again. At this point, you need to be sensitive to what they are doing to gain your trust back.

“A BOY makes his girl jealous of other women. But a MAN makes other women jealous of his girl”

5. All they want is to see you happy

Yes, they want you back but if you don’t want the same thing, they accept it. They know that they’ve hurt you and it won’t be an easy journey. When all they want is for you to be happy even when it doesn’t involve them; if they are in the stage that your happiness is more important than their own; then I say they deserve that second chance. A selfless act and intention deserves a reward, don’t you think?

Whatever we go through in life, I believe that we give to others what we want for ourselves. If you were in their shoes, do you want to get a second chance as well? Then if the answer is yes, you go on ahead and be happy… and give them that chance that they obviously deserve.

Besides, they always say that Love is sweeter the second time around. Might as well see for yourself. 🙂

second chance

A “would have been” mother’s cry

Life mysteriously shows you your heart’s desire
Leaves you blinded until it is acquired
You never know it is them you need
Until they are delivered, it is then you heed..

When I knew you were a part of me,
I wanted to hold you, I wanted to see..
Heaven then whispered its silent approval
Never mentioning your possible removal

We fell in love and got too excited
God knows it was you we wanted
Not knowing we had limited time
For you to be ours, for you to be mine…

I still remember how you made me feel
I then discovered that true happiness was real
You showed us that there was more to life than dreaming
But everything stopped when it started…. The bleeding.

People said you weren’t meant for us… for me
I wanted you back, that was my plea
No one could really understand, just your father and I
We kept asking ourselves the same question… “why?”

Roumax, I can never say goodbye to you.. I never will…
I love you baby.. Everything is just so surreal..
You made me fall for you and now you’re gone..
What will I do without you, my son? 😦

love

When letting go seems impossible…

Letting go.

Not as easy as people expect it to be but it’s possible. Even when you think it isn’t, well, it kinda is.
I wasn’t so sure how to start this blog because I for one haven’t totally let go yet. About 90-95%. Close but not yet. So this will be a journey that I am sharing with all the brokenhearted babes out there.

Spending months or even years of your life with someone and see it all turn to dust is not easy. It never will be. But that does not mean you lock yourself in your room, cry your heart out for a month and feel sorry for yourself. No!
You need to know that life has more to offer. The earlier and faster you let go of your past, of your  “what could have beens”, the better.

There are things that I’ve learned and applied to make “letting go” phase a bearable one. In a way, it also helped me let go faster. I hope it does the same to you.

1. Know your worth

This dawn on me that I am worth the love that I crave for.. So do you! Your ex can’t give you that now and you deserve so much more. I don’t care what caused the break-up or who initiated it but you do deserve better. Let’s say the guy was the one who broke the relationship up. Do you really want to be with a guy who is not Man Enough to fight for you? A man who crumbles in times of pressure? A guy who lets you go? A coward. That’s what you’ll be having for a boyfriend. Do you really want that?

Imagine what it would be like to actually be with a real man… Someone who’ll defend you, protect you and fight for you…. No Matter What..
Just the thought of it makes me giddy. 🙂

He left you for someone else? Who cares? It says more about him than it says about you. You know what you’re capable of, you know the kind of love that you can give.. Why not hold on to that? Someone will eventually come into your life, know your worth and appreciate it.
So girl, don’t sweat it!

2. Know that you are stronger than you think

Being strong does not mean not caring that the relationship is in shambles. Sometimes, that’s called pride. Being strong can mean admitting your mistakes if it was your fault. You’re human, not a robot. You’re not perfect. Heck, robots aren’t perfect either. If it was something that you did to cause the break up, admit it, ask for forgiveness and hope it works out. If not, then start the letting go process.

In my case, I did admit that I made mistakes to cause it (not what you think). I admitted it and asked for forgiveness. Yes people, I cried. Not a sign of weakness, mind you.
The defining moment though on how I found out how strong I was, was when I knew there was another girl involved. Not the they’re-a-couple kind but the he-likes-to-date-her kind.
At that exact moment, the best way I know how to describe it was something inside me “snapped.” Tear ducts? hahaha. Maybe. Remember, I’ve been crying because I thought it was my fault? Since I found out about the girl, not a single tear ever came out of my eyes. Not one since then.

Why? Go back to #1. I know my worth. I don’t care who that girl is. I know what I’m capable of. If he’d rather be with her, then go. It’s not worth my tears. Ever.
Funny thing, I really thought I could cry. In a way, I wanted to. But my eyes are as stubborn as I am. Nothing flows out. Because I know, so does my eyes apparently, that it’s so not worth it.

You never really know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

3. It’s the perfect time to show your potential.

When you spend your time with a partner, there are a few things that you’re just not able to do. Sometimes, we even lose ourselves to accommodate them and fill their ego. That’s kind of what happened to me. I lost myself. Close friends know how hardworking and independent I am and I somehow lost that. Something tragic happened to me and that part of me somehow lost its way.
Funny thing is, I’ve always known what my potential was. A break-up is the perfect time to focus on you. To be better than you were before.

Take me, for instance. The moment I stepped out of the plane, (I flew somewhere just for the break-up) I knew I’d change my life for the better. I decided on it.
You know what happened?

In just a week of being single, yes, a week. I had 2 speaking engagements, booked a wedding, was asked to host a birthday bash, was approached to market a new product and went to 3 parties.

Not to mention, the attention I’m getting. 2 days of being single, a guy actually ran up to me in a parking lot, literally grabbed my arm because his friend really wanted to meet me and get my number. I have a theory that guys can smell single women. What do you guys think? :p

What more? A total stranger asked my permission if he can use a picture of my eye as his piece for a tattoo competition. Imagine, my eyes permanently tattooed on a total stranger’s skin. Not sure what happened to that but just being asked was really flattering.

This is the time to enjoy the things that you never get to when you had a partner. Want to travel alone? Buy that ticket and go! Want to skydive which your ex was too afraid to do, jump off that plane! Even as simple as buying the shoes that you’ve always wanted but was afraid to because your ex might complain about your expenses, go buy them!
Just Go!

This is the best time to be what you’ve always wanted to be. Do it not to prove the SOB that he made the biggest mistake of his life, which I’m pretty sure is the case. (wink)
Do it for you. For a better YOU.

4. Trust God

I’m not going to be all religious here but I did pull alot of my strength from him. I trust him.
I believe that God destroys your plan when he knows your plan is going to destroy you.
I found myself again. The real me. And I couldn’t be happier. And I owe a big part of that to him.
Besides, you have your family and friends to support you. God put them there to make life easier. Trust me, I know.

5. Chill

Lastly, CHILL. Don’t rush into a new relationship just because your ex is with someone new. That’s his life, not yours. Having a new boyfriend will not bring your ex back (Do you really want him to?). It will also be unfair to the new guy. We’re talking about letting go. We’re close, but not yet. Be with someone when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. It’s just going to destroy a relationship that can possibly be a good one just because you jumped in too soon.
Again, this is the best time to spend on yourself.

Also, stop worrying about what other people say. It’s your life, not theirs. Live it the way you want to. Don’t change who you are for someone just to make them feel better.

Besides, Someone somewhere is waiting for you to be ready… And when you are, duuuudee, it’s going to be amazing! Because you have loved yourself enough to let go, you have more room to love your new man. That in itself is something to look forward to. 🙂

I really didn’t think I’d push through with this blog because I thought it was exposing a little too much of myself. Then I realized that if I can help or inspire just one heartbroken soul out there, then sharing a part of my story is worth it.

Cheers to all the single ladies out there!

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YOU ARE WORTH IT!