When are second chances due?

Second Chances.

“Everybody deserves a second chance..” Hmmm…
I heard this saying about a million times already and I’ve even said it myself.

But does it really apply to everybody? How do you give the person who broke your heart into pieces, stumped on it and burned it, a second chance?
Yes, you can give anybody and everybody that but do they deserve it?

Don’t they deserve the same treatment that your heart got?
Okay, maybe not the burning part just a little laxative on their soup-kinda treatment.

Main point is, how would you know that they deserve it and they’re ready for it?
I’m not an expert on love or relationships. But I do know a thing or two when someone made a mistake, is really sorry about it and wants to make it up to you.

So here is a very short list that I’ve come up with to know if they deserve your sweet “yes” again.

 1. They ask for your forgiveness

Not just ask for it, they should beg for it. It doesn’t matter what they did to break your heart. The important thing is they know and acknowledge their mistakes and is really sorry for what they did. If they just want you back without apologizing, that is not a good sign. Pride much?
You have an advantage at this point. THEY want you back, not the other way around (even when you secretly want them back too).
First thing’s first, they have to apologize. Period.

2. They give you an explanation

You don’t always need it but you deserve it. You deserve to know why they did what they did. If they can’t give you an explanation, you’re not obliged to listen to anything they promise you. If they deserve that chance, they’ll give you answers.

3. They want to make it up to you

Apologizing and giving you an explanation is not enough. They need to make up for what they did. At this point, it’s your own judgment. You need to see the effort that they put in to make things work. You need to see their actions and not just hear their words of sweet nothings. He tells you he’ll change yet he continues to flirt with other girls… Really? Wrong move, dude.

4. They’ll do anything to make you trust them again

If a third party was the reason for the break-up, this would involve an awful lot of effort on their part. It won’t be easy to trust them again. It never will be. Sometimes, you even get paranoid to the point of insanity (stalker mode). Please don’t. It’s more destructive than you think. They should be the one to put in the effort not to stress you out. They should be the one to show you that you can trust them again. Not third-party related break-up? They need to show you that they won’t give up on you or your relationship ever again. At this point, you need to be sensitive to what they are doing to gain your trust back.

“A BOY makes his girl jealous of other women. But a MAN makes other women jealous of his girl”

5. All they want is to see you happy

Yes, they want you back but if you don’t want the same thing, they accept it. They know that they’ve hurt you and it won’t be an easy journey. When all they want is for you to be happy even when it doesn’t involve them; if they are in the stage that your happiness is more important than their own; then I say they deserve that second chance. A selfless act and intention deserves a reward, don’t you think?

Whatever we go through in life, I believe that we give to others what we want for ourselves. If you were in their shoes, do you want to get a second chance as well? Then if the answer is yes, you go on ahead and be happy… and give them that chance that they obviously deserve.

Besides, they always say that Love is sweeter the second time around. Might as well see for yourself. 🙂

second chance

A “would have been” mother’s cry

Life mysteriously shows you your heart’s desire
Leaves you blinded until it is acquired
You never know it is them you need
Until they are delivered, it is then you heed..

When I knew you were a part of me,
I wanted to hold you, I wanted to see..
Heaven then whispered its silent approval
Never mentioning your possible removal

We fell in love and got too excited
God knows it was you we wanted
Not knowing we had limited time
For you to be ours, for you to be mine…

I still remember how you made me feel
I then discovered that true happiness was real
You showed us that there was more to life than dreaming
But everything stopped when it started…. The bleeding.

People said you weren’t meant for us… for me
I wanted you back, that was my plea
No one could really understand, just your father and I
We kept asking ourselves the same question… “why?”

Roumax, I can never say goodbye to you.. I never will…
I love you baby.. Everything is just so surreal..
You made me fall for you and now you’re gone..
What will I do without you, my son? 😦


When letting go seems impossible…

Letting go.

Not as easy as people expect it to be but it’s possible. Even when you think it isn’t, well, it kinda is.
I wasn’t so sure how to start this blog because I for one haven’t totally let go yet. About 90-95%. Close but not yet. So this will be a journey that I am sharing with all the brokenhearted babes out there.

Spending months or even years of your life with someone and see it all turn to dust is not easy. It never will be. But that does not mean you lock yourself in your room, cry your heart out for a month and feel sorry for yourself. No!
You need to know that life has more to offer. The earlier and faster you let go of your past, of your  “what could have beens”, the better.

There are things that I’ve learned and applied to make “letting go” phase a bearable one. In a way, it also helped me let go faster. I hope it does the same to you.

1. Know your worth

This dawn on me that I am worth the love that I crave for.. So do you! Your ex can’t give you that now and you deserve so much more. I don’t care what caused the break-up or who initiated it but you do deserve better. Let’s say the guy was the one who broke the relationship up. Do you really want to be with a guy who is not Man Enough to fight for you? A man who crumbles in times of pressure? A guy who lets you go? A coward. That’s what you’ll be having for a boyfriend. Do you really want that?

Imagine what it would be like to actually be with a real man… Someone who’ll defend you, protect you and fight for you…. No Matter What..
Just the thought of it makes me giddy. 🙂

He left you for someone else? Who cares? It says more about him than it says about you. You know what you’re capable of, you know the kind of love that you can give.. Why not hold on to that? Someone will eventually come into your life, know your worth and appreciate it.
So girl, don’t sweat it!

2. Know that you are stronger than you think

Being strong does not mean not caring that the relationship is in shambles. Sometimes, that’s called pride. Being strong can mean admitting your mistakes if it was your fault. You’re human, not a robot. You’re not perfect. Heck, robots aren’t perfect either. If it was something that you did to cause the break up, admit it, ask for forgiveness and hope it works out. If not, then start the letting go process.

In my case, I did admit that I made mistakes to cause it (not what you think). I admitted it and asked for forgiveness. Yes people, I cried. Not a sign of weakness, mind you.
The defining moment though on how I found out how strong I was, was when I knew there was another girl involved. Not the they’re-a-couple kind but the he-likes-to-date-her kind.
At that exact moment, the best way I know how to describe it was something inside me “snapped.” Tear ducts? hahaha. Maybe. Remember, I’ve been crying because I thought it was my fault? Since I found out about the girl, not a single tear ever came out of my eyes. Not one since then.

Why? Go back to #1. I know my worth. I don’t care who that girl is. I know what I’m capable of. If he’d rather be with her, then go. It’s not worth my tears. Ever.
Funny thing, I really thought I could cry. In a way, I wanted to. But my eyes are as stubborn as I am. Nothing flows out. Because I know, so does my eyes apparently, that it’s so not worth it.

You never really know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

3. It’s the perfect time to show your potential.

When you spend your time with a partner, there are a few things that you’re just not able to do. Sometimes, we even lose ourselves to accommodate them and fill their ego. That’s kind of what happened to me. I lost myself. Close friends know how hardworking and independent I am and I somehow lost that. Something tragic happened to me and that part of me somehow lost its way.
Funny thing is, I’ve always known what my potential was. A break-up is the perfect time to focus on you. To be better than you were before.

Take me, for instance. The moment I stepped out of the plane, (I flew somewhere just for the break-up) I knew I’d change my life for the better. I decided on it.
You know what happened?

In just a week of being single, yes, a week. I had 2 speaking engagements, booked a wedding, was asked to host a birthday bash, was approached to market a new product and went to 3 parties.

Not to mention, the attention I’m getting. 2 days of being single, a guy actually ran up to me in a parking lot, literally grabbed my arm because his friend really wanted to meet me and get my number. I have a theory that guys can smell single women. What do you guys think? :p

What more? A total stranger asked my permission if he can use a picture of my eye as his piece for a tattoo competition. Imagine, my eyes permanently tattooed on a total stranger’s skin. Not sure what happened to that but just being asked was really flattering.

This is the time to enjoy the things that you never get to when you had a partner. Want to travel alone? Buy that ticket and go! Want to skydive which your ex was too afraid to do, jump off that plane! Even as simple as buying the shoes that you’ve always wanted but was afraid to because your ex might complain about your expenses, go buy them!
Just Go!

This is the best time to be what you’ve always wanted to be. Do it not to prove the SOB that he made the biggest mistake of his life, which I’m pretty sure is the case. (wink)
Do it for you. For a better YOU.

4. Trust God

I’m not going to be all religious here but I did pull alot of my strength from him. I trust him.
I believe that God destroys your plan when he knows your plan is going to destroy you.
I found myself again. The real me. And I couldn’t be happier. And I owe a big part of that to him.
Besides, you have your family and friends to support you. God put them there to make life easier. Trust me, I know.

5. Chill

Lastly, CHILL. Don’t rush into a new relationship just because your ex is with someone new. That’s his life, not yours. Having a new boyfriend will not bring your ex back (Do you really want him to?). It will also be unfair to the new guy. We’re talking about letting go. We’re close, but not yet. Be with someone when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. It’s just going to destroy a relationship that can possibly be a good one just because you jumped in too soon.
Again, this is the best time to spend on yourself.

Also, stop worrying about what other people say. It’s your life, not theirs. Live it the way you want to. Don’t change who you are for someone just to make them feel better.

Besides, Someone somewhere is waiting for you to be ready… And when you are, duuuudee, it’s going to be amazing! Because you have loved yourself enough to let go, you have more room to love your new man. That in itself is something to look forward to. 🙂

I really didn’t think I’d push through with this blog because I thought it was exposing a little too much of myself. Then I realized that if I can help or inspire just one heartbroken soul out there, then sharing a part of my story is worth it.

Cheers to all the single ladies out there!